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for lily

Posted 6 January 2016 by theorist & filed under Life.

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34 Responses to “for lily”

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fadetheory

day 12: hod sh'b gevurah (presence within strength day 12: hod sh'b gevurah (presence within strength) - humility, how to receive and be, how to hold and pour out (like a vessel)
.
this morning's sunrise over the atlantic
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"the quality of light by which we scrutinize our lives has direct bearing upon the product which we live, and upon the changes which we hope to bring about through those lives. it is within this light that we form those ideas by which we pursue our magic and make it realized." – from poetry is not a luxury by audre lorde #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #hod #gevurah #presence #strength #audrelorde #sunrise #atlanticocean
day 11: netzach sh'b gevurah (eternity within stre day 11: netzach sh'b gevurah (eternity within strength) - endurance, perseverance, holding both the eternity of the present moment and the ability to see beyond current circumstances
.
i planted okra seeds a couple days before my trip. since i water them 2-3 times a day, it didn't feel right to leave them behind or burden my partner with that hassle. (hassle for him; pleasure for me.) so here they are, on the balcony facing the atlantic ocean, basking in the morning and early afternoon sun. all of the seeds have now sprouted, an affirmation of life and perseverance.
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today is also yom hashoah, holocaust remembrance day, a day of mourning and honoring the 6 million jews killed by the nazi regime during wwII. we do this year after year. never forget. never again. as @gatesoflighttarot points out in the book tarot and the gates of light, each day during the counting of the omer contains the shadow aspects of the sefirot. we say never again, while knowing injustice and cruelty endure. the day "calls for perseverance on our part to work to establish justice, even as we know it will never be perfect. . . . regardless of the fact that perfect justice is unattainable, we are commanded to always seek it out." #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #netzach #gevurah #eternity #endurance #perseverance #discipline #justice #yomhashoah #okra #seeds
day 10: tiferet sh'b gevurah (beauty within streng day 10: tiferet sh'b gevurah (beauty within strength) - shifting perspective, zooming out and in and out again, softening focus
.
@mitsuicollective shared a really impactful embodied practice for the omer today. it involved adjusting, shifting, and softening focus with a few different exercises, while also serving as a powerful metaphor for making space for both detailed and big picture awareness. a few hours later, i went to the beach and began sifting through the sand for shells. over time, i was able to notice smaller and smaller shells within the sand. if you look for small miracles, you will find them. #counttheomer #countingtheomer #omercount #tiferet #gevurah #beauty #strength #attention #tinymiracles
day 9: gevurah sh'b gevurah (strength within stren day 9: gevurah sh'b gevurah (strength within strength) - doubling down, discipline without love or kindness, harsh restraint, or perhaps restraint of harsh discipline

my sister invited me to spend a few days at the beach, so here i am. i can't explain how much i needed this, and i need it more this week than a few weeks ago. i've been carrying what feels like a lot of emotional weight and responsibility, so this is a welcome break. but it's also not a break, because (a) i'm still working and (b) i have important things to assess and recalibrate while I'm here. major props to my sister for inviting me and to my partner who has done nothing but encourage me to take this break and made this possible (even though he needs and deserves a break, too). i'm not doubling down today. instead, i am reminding myself to 
B R E A T H E. #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #gevurah #strength #discipline #ocean #gratitude #artpractice
day 8: chesed sh'b gevurah (love within strength) day 8: chesed sh'b gevurah (love within strength) - discipline, boundaries, limits, the tension between expansion and restraint, maximalism vs minimalism

even without the counting of the omer, discipline was already the theme of the day as i grapple with a parenting issue. i'm still figuring that one out, but in the meantime there's other work to do. the yarrow in my herb garden is so tough and eager to spread that it has found a way outside of the walls of the raised bed. my expression of chesed sh'b gevurah is plucking and transplanting them so they can grow in a more appropriate way. (it’s worth mentioning that yarrow is an herb associated with boundaries and protection.) sometimes the best course of action is to get rid of the plant completely, sometimes it's better to redirect/establish a boundary (as i did here), and sometimes it's fine to go with the flow. i'm not only talking about plants. #counttheomer #omercount #counttheomer #chesed #gevurah #love #discipline #strength #boundaries #yarrow #gardening #herbgarden
day 7: malkhut/shekhinah sh'b chesed (kingdom/quee day 7: malkhut/shekhinah sh'b chesed (kingdom/queendom within love) - divinity, agency, how we lead in our lives and by example
.
today was a difficult day of the omer for me, and in general. multiple people crossed established boundaries and i felt deeply hurt, while knowing i also have agency within these relationships. every difficulty is an opportunity. i am the queen of my own life.
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a few centuries ago, rabbi simcha bunim of peshischa suggested carrying two notes, one in each pocket. on one should be written "for my sake the world was created" and on the other "i am but dust and ashes." the first phrasing makes me squirm, so for today's practice i rewrote it. "I AM MAGIC" is the other side of the "I AM DUST & ASHES" coin. these sayings were also helpful in granting perspective, not just on my place in the world, but also on these issues that feel so big today. #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #malkhut #shekhinah #chesed #love #queen #boundaries #ritual #iammagic #artpractice #daily ritual
day 6: yesod sh’b chesed (foundation within love day 6: yesod sh’b chesed (foundation within love) – centeredness, rootedness, loving from the core of our being
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the loving-kindness metta meditation from buddhist tradition is the first thing that came to mind when reflecting on yesod sh’b chesed. it’s a beautiful and simple practice in which we extend well wishes to ourselves, then to someone we love or care for, then someone we feel neutral about, then someone with whom we have some difficulty. ever-widening circles of love. it has always struck me how similar the metta meditation (may you be happy. may you be well. may you be at peace.) is to the priestly blessing (text below). 
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my practice today involves using the birkat kohanim as a metta meditation. this is all highly heretical for a number of reasons, but i refuse to be silenced by internalized patriarchy and dogma. the transliterated hebrew (including first person singular and plural and second person masculine/feminine/non-binary) can be found on my website.
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may god bless you and keep you.
may god shine their face upon you and be gracious to you.
may god bestow favor upon you and give you peace. #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #priestlyblessing #mettameditation #yesod #chesed #foundation #grounded #centered #love
day 5: hod sh'b chesed (presence within love) - ac day 5: hod sh'b chesed (presence within love) - acceptance, being fully here and now, letting go of shoulds and yearnings to see the beauty in what is
.
(sound on if you want to hear a quiet niggun.) magnolias belong to a plant family that dates back to at least 95 million years. 95 million years. sit with that for a moment. and here it is now, blooming as it does every april. i smelled these before i saw them. #countingtheomer #omercount #omercounting #chesed #hod #presence #love #magnolias #niggun #beingpresent #inthemoment
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