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Posts By: theorist

2017 reading

Posted 14 January 2017 & filed under Life.

I guess I don’t need my reading list to be public, but I’m fairly convinced no one reads these posts anyway. That said, I’m tired of keeping so many files on my harddrive, so I figured this is a good alternative. I’ll be adding these as I go (unlike last year, when I posted about my reading for the year in August), so I’ll also include short reviews/summaries. I may go back and do the same for some of the books I read last year. Here goes:

Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney – I like slim books. This one clocks in at 182 pages. This is McInerney’s first novel, from 1984. It takes place in New York City and features lots of cocaine (as any book set in New York in the 80s should). It is written entirely in the second person and somehow this is not at all annoying to read. The main character (a ‘you’ who is definitely not you) works in The Department of Factual Verification for an unnamed but prestigious magazine. He is a married to a model. He is 24. We learn very quickly that his model wife has left him with a phone call, after which he doesn’t see her again for quite a few months. During the course of the book, his life spirals out of control. He parties more and more, does lots of cocaine, hides the fact that his wife has left him, loses his job… And yet he doesn’t seem like a total asshole. This could be any 24-year-old guy who took a wrong turn. Thing is, it turns out his life isn’t spiralling for the reason the reader is led to believe. I don’t really like authorial tricks like that. Had we known sooner, had McInerney taken the time to create layers within the story early on, it would have made the read meatier. Regardless, it was a quick and worthwhile read.

So on to my next read. I picked up Infinite Jest by Steven Foster Wallace again today after a long hiatus. I’m at page 187.  The book is clearly a work of genius, but it’s just not holding my attention. Even if it wasn’t over a thousand pages (with footnotes), I wouldn’t feel very motivated to finish it. I’m not convinced I haven’t already gotten everything out of it that I can. Even though I’m starting to embrace the idea that time is not linear, I don’t like feeling my time would be better or more enjoyably spent doing something else. I want to do what I want to do because I’m 35 goddammit and I want to make the most of this stupid thing called life. I’ll likely switch to Winter Journal by Paul Auster or M Train by Patti Smith.

Tags: books, reading

poem for the new year

Posted 1 January 2017 & filed under Life.

happiness tastes
like copper
tastes
pointed, strange, conductive, conducive
changing the flavor of everything
that comes after

other things that may cause a metallic taste:
drugs and medications
infections
cancer treatment
pregnancy
epilepsy
dementia

all these altered states
tasting of pennies
fraying memory
slowly fading alkaline ecstasy
changing everything that comes after

2016 reading

Posted 23 August 2016 & filed under Life.

everett

 

This isn’t so much a post for anyone else as it is a running tally (in no particular order) of the books I’ve been reading/read this year. I have already forgotten a bunch of titles, so these are just the ones I’ve read recently and do not include art technique books. I’ll keep updating this post throughout the year as I remember/read more. Let’s get things started:

The Invention of Solitude by Paul Auster

Things the Grandchildren Should Know by Mark Oliver Everett

The South by Colm Toibin

On Despair by Elie Wiesel

Are You My Mother? by Alison Bechdel

Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Oreo by Fran Ross

I Love Dick by Chris Kraus

fin

Tags: 2016, books, reading

the girl and the sea

Posted 7 June 2016 & filed under Progress.

thegirljameri

 

Introducing The Girl and the Sea, a little coloring/storybook for those who like fairytales. Written by me, illustrated by Beryl Foo, designed (and assembled) by Gia Lam Nguyen, and translated into Estonian (Tüdruk ja meri) by Andra Aaloe.

This is the outcome of the story and illustrations for an artist residency I had several years ago. That project didn’t end up working out, so I’ve been sitting on these materials. I’m so happy to see this project come to fruition now! My sincere thanks to those who made that possible – everyone mentioned above plus the Trükimuuseum and the graphic design and bookbinding departments of the Eesti Kunstiakadeemia / Estonian Academy of Arts.

The Girl and the Sea and Tüdruk ja meri are available for sale at Les Petites and Nona. Or let me know if you want to buy directly from me. ♡

thegirlandthesea

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fadetheory

day 12: hod sh'b gevurah (presence within strength day 12: hod sh'b gevurah (presence within strength) - humility, how to receive and be, how to hold and pour out (like a vessel)
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this morning's sunrise over the atlantic
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"the quality of light by which we scrutinize our lives has direct bearing upon the product which we live, and upon the changes which we hope to bring about through those lives. it is within this light that we form those ideas by which we pursue our magic and make it realized." – from poetry is not a luxury by audre lorde #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #hod #gevurah #presence #strength #audrelorde #sunrise #atlanticocean
day 11: netzach sh'b gevurah (eternity within stre day 11: netzach sh'b gevurah (eternity within strength) - endurance, perseverance, holding both the eternity of the present moment and the ability to see beyond current circumstances
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i planted okra seeds a couple days before my trip. since i water them 2-3 times a day, it didn't feel right to leave them behind or burden my partner with that hassle. (hassle for him; pleasure for me.) so here they are, on the balcony facing the atlantic ocean, basking in the morning and early afternoon sun. all of the seeds have now sprouted, an affirmation of life and perseverance.
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today is also yom hashoah, holocaust remembrance day, a day of mourning and honoring the 6 million jews killed by the nazi regime during wwII. we do this year after year. never forget. never again. as @gatesoflighttarot points out in the book tarot and the gates of light, each day during the counting of the omer contains the shadow aspects of the sefirot. we say never again, while knowing injustice and cruelty endure. the day "calls for perseverance on our part to work to establish justice, even as we know it will never be perfect. . . . regardless of the fact that perfect justice is unattainable, we are commanded to always seek it out." #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #netzach #gevurah #eternity #endurance #perseverance #discipline #justice #yomhashoah #okra #seeds
day 10: tiferet sh'b gevurah (beauty within streng day 10: tiferet sh'b gevurah (beauty within strength) - shifting perspective, zooming out and in and out again, softening focus
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@mitsuicollective shared a really impactful embodied practice for the omer today. it involved adjusting, shifting, and softening focus with a few different exercises, while also serving as a powerful metaphor for making space for both detailed and big picture awareness. a few hours later, i went to the beach and began sifting through the sand for shells. over time, i was able to notice smaller and smaller shells within the sand. if you look for small miracles, you will find them. #counttheomer #countingtheomer #omercount #tiferet #gevurah #beauty #strength #attention #tinymiracles
day 9: gevurah sh'b gevurah (strength within stren day 9: gevurah sh'b gevurah (strength within strength) - doubling down, discipline without love or kindness, harsh restraint, or perhaps restraint of harsh discipline

my sister invited me to spend a few days at the beach, so here i am. i can't explain how much i needed this, and i need it more this week than a few weeks ago. i've been carrying what feels like a lot of emotional weight and responsibility, so this is a welcome break. but it's also not a break, because (a) i'm still working and (b) i have important things to assess and recalibrate while I'm here. major props to my sister for inviting me and to my partner who has done nothing but encourage me to take this break and made this possible (even though he needs and deserves a break, too). i'm not doubling down today. instead, i am reminding myself to 
B R E A T H E. #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #gevurah #strength #discipline #ocean #gratitude #artpractice
day 8: chesed sh'b gevurah (love within strength) day 8: chesed sh'b gevurah (love within strength) - discipline, boundaries, limits, the tension between expansion and restraint, maximalism vs minimalism

even without the counting of the omer, discipline was already the theme of the day as i grapple with a parenting issue. i'm still figuring that one out, but in the meantime there's other work to do. the yarrow in my herb garden is so tough and eager to spread that it has found a way outside of the walls of the raised bed. my expression of chesed sh'b gevurah is plucking and transplanting them so they can grow in a more appropriate way. (it’s worth mentioning that yarrow is an herb associated with boundaries and protection.) sometimes the best course of action is to get rid of the plant completely, sometimes it's better to redirect/establish a boundary (as i did here), and sometimes it's fine to go with the flow. i'm not only talking about plants. #counttheomer #omercount #counttheomer #chesed #gevurah #love #discipline #strength #boundaries #yarrow #gardening #herbgarden
day 7: malkhut/shekhinah sh'b chesed (kingdom/quee day 7: malkhut/shekhinah sh'b chesed (kingdom/queendom within love) - divinity, agency, how we lead in our lives and by example
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today was a difficult day of the omer for me, and in general. multiple people crossed established boundaries and i felt deeply hurt, while knowing i also have agency within these relationships. every difficulty is an opportunity. i am the queen of my own life.
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a few centuries ago, rabbi simcha bunim of peshischa suggested carrying two notes, one in each pocket. on one should be written "for my sake the world was created" and on the other "i am but dust and ashes." the first phrasing makes me squirm, so for today's practice i rewrote it. "I AM MAGIC" is the other side of the "I AM DUST & ASHES" coin. these sayings were also helpful in granting perspective, not just on my place in the world, but also on these issues that feel so big today. #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #malkhut #shekhinah #chesed #love #queen #boundaries #ritual #iammagic #artpractice #daily ritual
day 6: yesod sh’b chesed (foundation within love day 6: yesod sh’b chesed (foundation within love) – centeredness, rootedness, loving from the core of our being
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the loving-kindness metta meditation from buddhist tradition is the first thing that came to mind when reflecting on yesod sh’b chesed. it’s a beautiful and simple practice in which we extend well wishes to ourselves, then to someone we love or care for, then someone we feel neutral about, then someone with whom we have some difficulty. ever-widening circles of love. it has always struck me how similar the metta meditation (may you be happy. may you be well. may you be at peace.) is to the priestly blessing (text below). 
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my practice today involves using the birkat kohanim as a metta meditation. this is all highly heretical for a number of reasons, but i refuse to be silenced by internalized patriarchy and dogma. the transliterated hebrew (including first person singular and plural and second person masculine/feminine/non-binary) can be found on my website.
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may god bless you and keep you.
may god shine their face upon you and be gracious to you.
may god bestow favor upon you and give you peace. #countingtheomer #omercount #counttheomer #priestlyblessing #mettameditation #yesod #chesed #foundation #grounded #centered #love
day 5: hod sh'b chesed (presence within love) - ac day 5: hod sh'b chesed (presence within love) - acceptance, being fully here and now, letting go of shoulds and yearnings to see the beauty in what is
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(sound on if you want to hear a quiet niggun.) magnolias belong to a plant family that dates back to at least 95 million years. 95 million years. sit with that for a moment. and here it is now, blooming as it does every april. i smelled these before i saw them. #countingtheomer #omercount #omercounting #chesed #hod #presence #love #magnolias #niggun #beingpresent #inthemoment
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